Today is a day of great achievement! Rejoice! I got my recent bloodwork results...
As I waddle my way towards my own experience with motherhood, I find myself thinking about and appreciating my own mother even more. She raised six children (SIX! All from the same dad! And we’re not even Mormon or Irish Catholic!) and has always been an incredible example of grace under pressure. The guidance, support and advice she has offered me over the past 28 years has never led me...
The Internets Has Spoken
I purchased the onesie (OBVIOUSLY). And then this conversation happened.
Adam: So, show me what you bought today.
Me: (after showing him a few other items) ... and I left the best for last! You're going to love this!
Adam: Is it a MacBook Pro?
Adam: Is it sexy pregnant lady lingerie?
Me: Um. Sort of? How about I just show you! *I dramatically lift the onesie out of its bag. It is ginormous and just keeps on coming, like a scarf from a magicians sleeve*
Adam: What IS that?
Me: It's a one-shoulder, floral-print, floor-length onesie.
Adam: Is it, like, pyjamas or something?
Me: No, it's a day outfit, obviously.
Adam: On what day, exactly, would you wear that?
Me: Oooh you know...just ERRYDAY!
And then I put it on and pranced around and demonstrated the handy dandy pockets (which I never even knew it had! Even better!) and I think the way he shook his head and couldn't stop laughing means that he loves it just as much as I do. Maybe more.
I think I cursed myself by talking about how awkward my weekly photos were. I was actually really excited to do them this week because we have The Camera, and The Camera would no doubt make me look *amazing* in every conceivable way, I’d do two perfectly lit and styled shots and BOOM! I could go about my day! The issue, friends, is light. The hallway I have chosen to do my...
dover replied to your post: Selfie Target sells bravado nursing bras that are really stretchy and will grow with you. I’ve been wearing them since I was about 18 weeks along. The comfort factor is worth it. The same brand also makes nursing camis that I live in. Thank you! This is an awesome suggestion. Unfortunately I live in Canada where our Prime Minister has explicitly forbade Target from...
Is there anything more awkward than pictures taken by yourself, of yourself? It’s the ultimate in narcissism, and I struggle with it mightily. Every week as I prepare to take my weekly pregnancy shot,...
Poor Little Bunny
Sundays around here are always a lazy affair, even more-so when one of us is feeling gigantic and encumbered and the other is fighting the onset of a particularly nasty cold. No extravagant breakfasts today, just a simple fruit salad and coffee. It was (finally) beautiful out, so after helping Adam with some work stuff in the morning we went for smoothies, walked around outside for a bit...
This here is the obligatory “We got a new camera, look at all the things in our house we tested the focus on!” post. I’m blown away by how crisp everything looks - in the pictures of Gus you can see every bit of eye gunk, every stray hair, every inch of drool. Totally worth it! If you know anything at all about photography, please be gentle, it’s Day 1 and we’re...
The father of one of the teens I work with very generously donated a few pizzas...
The Damn Dishes
Yesterday, as you may have guessed, was hard. Yesterday was one of those small mountains that tests a marriage and I’m not ashamed to say that I bitterly failed that test and then kicked the test in the face and yelled at it. I think Baby G must be going through a growth spurt, because I am tired. Capital T, T-I-R-E-D. I’ve also gained three more pounds this week (and that can’t...
Adam just finished the last of the sea salt and malt vinegar chips that I had been slowly rationing out over the course of the past week. All I had left was the last bits at the bottom of the bag (AKA the BEST PART) and he ate them. Ate them all! I loathe this man right now. Combine this with the fact that every other person in the world is mowing their lawns right now while my husband is...
Five and a half months. The weeks are flying and crawling by, all at the same time. I can’t wait (but I CAN wait) but I can’t! I want to see this little person, meet them, see whose eyes she got, whose sense of humour he has. But I’m not ready to give up the sleep, the hours of yoga. I’m not quite ready to dive into that ginormous bucket of uncertainty...
On Saturday Adam and I tossed a change of clothes in overnight bags, grabbed some bedding and met a few friends to head up to their cabin for an evening. We drove out of town, crept slowly along a deeply pitted road, slowly silencing ourselves as the noise of civilization dropped away too. We watched the canopy of trees unfold above us, the thick drifts of fog envelop us. It was a short trip -...
Oh weird, it's raining. Again.
Earrings made from acupuncture needles, by RockPaperNeedles on Etsy Yesterday for the second time, I paid a nice lady to look at my tongue, and deep into my eyes, and then stick dozens of needles into my tender flesh. ACUPUNCTURE! Not kinky sex magic. (Sorry.) Six or seven years ago I don’t know if I would have been able to do acupuncture, the...
Sooo let’s say hypothetically that someone I know always gets nagged for not wearing his seatbelt, and then that SAME someone just this morning got a $167 ticket for -you guessed it- not wearing his seatbelt. Would I be correct in assuming that it would be in poor taste to cackle maniacally and shriek “I told you so!” repeatedly in this persons face?
We just got back from an appointment with our midwife, and I think that 21 weeks will be remembered as the week of what-if’s, of worst-case vs. best-case scenarios. My attitudes towards birth have changed a lot since I became pregnant, something I didn’t anticipate. Pre-pregnancy, I thought that if anything, heading along the road to this experience myself would serve only...
Want to know what really helps writers block? Listening to your...– GOD DAMMIT GUS
Demon baby just kicked Adam in the face. I’m loving this little badass...
I am an Internets wizard and now my search box is fully functional (that’s what she said?) Anyway. You can search for things now. If you want to. (UPDATE: Haha j/k guys, j/k. It only searches tags of posts. But I mean you can still search those. If you wanted to or whatever.) (I am not an Internets wizard. I do not know “The HMTL”)
oh how the tables have turned
My job is an outreach worker with teens 13-24 years old. I haven't made a formal "I'm pregnant" announcement to them, I decided that instead I'd just deal with reactions/questions as they came up. This has resulted in all five of the girls I see regularly noticing and asking questions, and the other 30-50 boys being completely oblivious to my ever-inflating form (and if I'm honest I find this reassuring, knowing that my body isn't being closely scrutinized. They are teen boys after all)
Anyway, my coworker and I took a bunch of them out for dinner the other night and had the following conversation. I couldn't stop laughing, feeling like I was on the opposite end of a talk I've had with so many teens over the years.
teen boy: Hey Madeleine can I order a beer?
Me: (sarcasm) Oh sure, why not.
teen boy: Ok cool, don't worry I'll order you one too.
teen girl 1 : She can't have a BEER you idiot, she's pregnant!
teen boy: You're pregnant?
teen boy: PREGNANT?
teen girl 2: Was this planned?
me: (laughing) Yes, definitely.
teen boy: Do you know who the dad is?
me: Guys! Yes! I'm fairly sure my husband is the dad.
teen girl 1: You're MARRIED?
me: oh my god.
teen boy: When were you going to tell us?!
me and coworker: (laughing so hard we can hardly speak)
teen boy: (shaking his head) Pregnant!
teen boy: (walks in, sits down, stares pointedly at my midsection.)
teen boy: ....
me: ....what's up?
teen boy: Yeah. I can definitely tell you're pregnant now. I can see your gut.
(AKA Five Months, AKA Halfway! Or probably a little over halfway because I feel like the baby might come early-mid October as opposed to late October) Hello friends! It’s me! The woman who has suddenly turned into a sugar-craving bitch, and appropriately enough, is looking a bit bitchy in her 20 week photo as well! I am not a sweets person. Put me near a table packed with...
Conversations Recently Overheard in Our Home
Brought to you by pregnancy hormones:
(After an incident where Gus saw a bear outside our back patio window and literally shit himself.)
Me: What did you use to clean up the Gus poop?
Me: What towels? Not the nice towels?!
Adam: I don't know. Whatever towels are in the washing machine.
Me: (looking in the washing machine) There's grey towels and white towels, which ones are poopy?
Adam: Whatever ones are in the washing machine.
Me: They're all in the washing machine! Please for the love of God Adam tell me you didn't use the good bamboo towels to clean up dog shit.
Adam: I don't know what towels I used! They're in the washing machine!
Me: THERE ARE FIVE TOWELS IN THE WASHING MACHINE. THEY CAN NOT ALL BE POOPY.
Adam: THEY'RE ALL POOPY! EVERYTHING IS POOPY! JUST ASSUME THAT EVERYTHING WE OWN IS COVERED IN POOP!
Me: (surveying our bedroom) Can you please clean up all of your shit?!
Adam: What shit?
Me: (gesturing to piles of discarded clothing) THIS shit.
Adam: Those are my jeans!
Me: Well, put your jeans in the laundry hamper.
Adam: DON'T TOUCH THOSE! Those are the jeans I wore yesterday. I leave them on the floor for a reason. Every day, I get up and put on the jeans I wore the day before.
Adam: Yes. I'm disgusting.
Me: I just really hate you today.
Adam: (patting my knee) I know sweetheart, I know.
Fierce Little Mountain Mover
Words can not describe how much I adore, ADORE these quotes. If this little Demon Baby turns out to be a girl, these words will adorn her wall, because my god, this is better than a framed print of an owl any day. (Both prints found from Raw Art LetterPress on Etsy.)