July 2011
72 posts
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Desperation
Just suckled an entire package of goat cheese directly from the tube.
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June 2011
50 posts
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nostalgia
So. July. A new month looms around the corner and I find myself standing on a precipice being propelled ever forward as my feet scramble to gain purchase on the rocky soil.
Remember when you were younger and time couldn’t go fast enough? You wanted school to be over, dinner to come, summer to arrive, to finally turn 8 instead of being 7 and three-quarters STILL. I would hear adults say...
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A true businessman, or, why I will never let Adam...
Adam: You know what the problem with your blog is?
Me: What.
Adam: There aren't enough pictures of booties.
Me: ....
Adam: Yeah. booties. I was doing some research into what gets re-blogged a lot, and it turns out that lots of people like to re-blog booty pictures.
Me: So...
Adam: More booty!
Me: (pretending to write his idea down in my nerdy idea notebook) More...booty. Got it.
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“Today:
- I picked up several used condoms (not, like, USED used, just opened...”
– Just a typical Wednesday at my job. Man, those four years studying ascribed status, anomie and Durkheim have really come in handy lately.
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the weight of words, or,why I will never buy an...
Never I say! You’ll have to pry books from my cold, dead hands.
It’s not often I say never but when it comes to my books all bets are off. In most cases I’m not a big fan of stuff, of things. In any other situation I’d gladly trade three hundred things for one that served the same purpose. But in this case I can’t even get past the initial thought, “What would...
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Of sweatstains and prairie dogs
This is the story of a nervous girl and a secret poop. It all began when we drove west for my brothers wedding. Adam, Gus and I in one car, three of my sisters plus significant others and mom in another. As we descended upon Edmonton our fourth sister joined us and, reunited, the chaos began. Like most of our family gatherings it didn’t subside until we hauled our...
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SMRT
Me: (infuriated at Adams attempts to comprehend my twitter feed, I try to snatch the phone from his hands) You're giving me rage, I don't have time to explain what RTs are and when to use hashtags
Adam: What? Why not?
Me: Because it'll take forever, you read too slowly.
Adam: That's a lie! I read at an eighth grade level.
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and baby makes three
(No mom I’m not pregnant. And please don’t comment on this post telling me to DO IT ALREADY! either)
I don’t know whether to have a baby or not. I mean, I know I want to have a baby or two or three or even FOUR! But it’s a matter of when, of how. Every time I contemplate this decision and whether the timing is right, whether we should wait, I can hear a chorus of middle...
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All the single ladies
One of my friends has just broken up with her boyfriend of 6 months and I couldn’t be more jealous. To clarify, although Adam does sometimes make me want to pack it all in because do I really have to explain why sleeping on a mattress in the back of your cube van isn’t camping? I am still happily married. He keeps me on my toes but I also adore him in a way I can’t express...
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please pray
The weather here in British Columbia, Canada has been shit lately. No summer to speak of, I’m still wearing socks and shutting all the windows at night, huddled in a swearing bitter mass under down duvets.
To compensate I have developed an internet shopping addiction. I think I’m about 5 years tardy to the party on this one, but here I am, fashionably late, and broke too!
Here is...
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More like The Big SUCK theory! Yeah!
Adam has started watching a terrible show called “The Big Bang Theory” He has all the disgusting seasons and is working through it chronologically, beginning to end (There IS an end right? This shit can NOT still be airing). At his request I gave it a chance and managed to squirm though a whole seven minutes before forking myself in the eyeballs. HOW IS THIS ON TV?
I loathe it as much...
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Oldies: March 3, 2006
**a post from the archives of the dead blog**
These are the days that unfurl themselves before me, the slow solid mounds of time that I need to chip away at. Slowly, softly. I wake at an obscene hour, a bad taste in my mouth. Slow stumble to the bathroom, water splashing away sleep. Then a clumsy amalgamation of clothes, an approximation of beauty. I mix myself the lumpy green concoction,...
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“Before: Ugh I don’t want to do laundry… It’s cool to wear...”
– The difference a clothesline makes
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Tuesday night at the youth centre
Teenage boy: I broke my skateboard
Coworker: Oh is that why you were such a cranky panda earlier?
Teenage boy: Yeah, sorry about that
Me: Sorry about what... exactly?
Teenage boy: (hangs head and smirks) I'm sorry for being a cranky panda
Coworker: Thaaaat's right
Me: Our work here is done.
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Mommy Blogging: The New Feminine Mystique?
I entered a twilight zone last night when I accidentally googled Dooce instead of typing her address into my web browser. What came up as I finished typing the “e” was that now-ubiquitous list of google suggestions and number three was “Dooce Haters”. Intrigued I clicked and was lost to the world for two hours.
What I discovered (besides the usual spectacle of women...
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Cleanse Time
So, welcome to the second most boring topic to talk about other than dreams… my CLEANSE!
I was going to link to a page explaining why I am embarking on a Candida Cleanse, but every single one of them without fail mentions the term “chronic yeast infections” and guys, I promise I do not have this symptom although I was intrigued by a book offered on one site entitled “Yeast...
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I want it all, money, fast cars and bitches...
I was at work the other day and a teenage boy asked how old I was. I answered that I was 27 and he made the predictable fuss about ohmigod you’re so OLD (and then bumped himself up to #1 on my favorites list by saying he originally thought I was 18. STILL GOT IT).
I don’t know why, but as I walked away time slowed and the words sunk into my head…I am 27. I will be 27 for six...
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“Richard loses his temper with true enjoyment. It’s beautiful to watch. Our...”
– -Elizabeth Taylor, Furious Love
I took the advice of dear Lainey and took out “Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century” from the library. Devoured it in two days. Brangelina doesn’t have anything on these two, I so wish I could have been...
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Messy is more interesting
Years ago I took four months off and traveled around Australia. Sort of a delayed gap year, the sort of trip I should have taken after high school but finally set out for one and a half years after graduating university.
A friend and I decided to escape our lives. I needed an out from the small town I was desperately resisting falling in love with, biting and scratching at the familiarity of its...
Says who?
Husband: (horrified) Hey! What are you doing? Stop that!
Me: What?
Husband: Madeleine we're watching the playoffs! There's no spooning in the playoffs!
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the outside in
I sat in a booth at our local Farmer’s Market all day Saturday as part of the gardening program I run at my work. I try and entice teens to care about growing organic fruits and vegetables, and I bribe reward them for their efforts with either money, school credits or a few of the 100 volunteer hours they need to be able to graduate.
Typically I’d be sitting at the booth with one of...
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Canuck
I just got misty eyed watching a Stanley Cup commercial.
#officiallyCanadian
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women's work
We drove for 12 hours through mountains and vast expanses of logged landscapes, houses mere feet away from four-lane highways. Billboards, small towns, all faded into the blur of our rear-view mirror as we headed east.
A wedding, a baby.
Every few hours we stopped so Gus could get out and pee, so Adam and I could stretch our legs. As we opened the back door Gus would tumble out in a cloud of...
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